ohnostuck - David Sedaris, in his book "Holidays on Ice" refers to Sallie Mae. Here's an excerpt, for your enjoyment: I was in a coffee shop looking through the want ads when I read, â??Macyâ??s Herald Square, the largest store in the world, has big opportunities for outgoing, fun-loving people of all shapes and sizes who want more than just a holiday job! Working as an elf in Macyâ??s SantaLand means being at the center of excitementâ?¦â? I circled the ad and then I laughed out loud at the thought of it. The man seated next to me turned on his stool, checking to see if I was a lunatic. I continued to laugh, quietly. Yesterday I applied for a job at UPS. They are hiring driversâ?? helpers for the upcoming Christmas season and I went to their headquarters filled with hope. In line with three hundred other men and women my hope diminished. During the brief interview I was asked why I wanted to work for UPS and I answered that I wanted to work for UPS because I like the brown uniforms. What did they expect me to say? â??Iâ??d like to work for UPS because, in my opinion, itâ??s an opportunity to showcase my substantial leadership skills in one of the finest private delivery companies this country has seen since the Pony Express!â? I said I liked the uniforms and the UPS interviewer turned my application facedown on his desk and said, â??Give me a break.â? I came home this afternoon and checked the machine for a message from UPS but the only message I got was from the company that holds my student loan, Sallie Mae. Sallie Mae sounds like a naïve and barefoot hillbilly girl but in fact they are a ruthless and aggressive conglomeration of bullies located in a tall brick building somewhere in Kansas. I picture it to be the tallest building in that state and I have decided they hire their employees straight out of prison. It scares me. The woman at Macyâ??s asked, â??Would you be interested in full-time elf or evening and weekend elf?â? I said, â??Full-time elf.â? I have an appointment next Wednesday at noon. I am a thirty-three-year-old man applying for a job as an elf. I often see people on the streets dressed as objects and handling out leaflets. I tend to avoid leaflets, but to accept it graciously, saying, â??Thank you so much,â? and thinking, You poor, pathetic son of a bâ?¦. I donâ??t know what you have but I hope I never catch it. This afternoon on Lexington Avenue I accepted a leaflet from a man dressed as a camcorder. Hot dots, peanuts, tacos, video cameras, these things make me sad because they donâ??t fit in on the streets. In a parade, maybe, but not on the streets. I figure that at least as an elf I will have a place; Iâ??ll be in Santaâ??s Village with all the other elves. We will reside in a fluffy wonderland surrounded by candy canes and gingerbread shacks. It wonâ??t be quite as sad as standing on some street corner dressed as a french fry.
Very cool Mark. Its good that you can see the humor in life. Maybe you should consider some free-lance writing, you certainly have the skills!
oops. After reading it again, I realize that it was a book excerpt. Regardless, very cool Mark for posting it.
Sallie Mae is one of mah neighburs, she woulda not been arrested tho for doing things she shouldna been doin' with local livestock. She is up dar in the jailhole nowadays.
Thanks elsocete I wish I could write as well as David Sedaris. I'm a HUGE fan of his. Check out his books at amazon.com. He's an extremely funny guy.
