Re: OH NO! PULSE'S TOP 5 FAVORITE QUOTES To no her is to love her. The more you no, the less you think you no. The little I no I owe to my ignorance. It is better to be quiet and let them think you're stupid than to speak and let them no it! If I was dead I wouldn't no it.
Re: OH NO! Dear Maggie, After reading your posts I feel compelled to comment. I just finished my medical degree (started it today and was finished by 5) and plan to do my residency in psychiatry (from 8am to 12pm) tomorrow. I will have my private practice opened by 12:30 and I would be honored to have you as my first patient. You seem to show a pattern of behavior in choosing the wrong type of men to form a long term relationship with (long term=at least 1 hour). This indicates to me a co-dependent problem. I suggest a good rehab program might be able to help you gain insight into these bad choices. Hazelden in Minnesota has a fine 5 minute rehab program that is all inclusive. It certainly would be enough time to thoroughly analyze why you pick men who abandon you after only 4 hours of marriage. If you would like to discuss this further my initial 1 minute consultation is free. All minutes thereafter I charge the normal $100 per minute. Please don't hesitate to call me at 1-800-SHRINKS. clc m.d.
To CLC clc, Thank you for your kind offer. One minute might be sufficient , certainly collector1 seemed to think it was quite a lengthy session. I think you are very insightful to suggest a rehab program, but I need to know...do you let you fix vodka and cranberry juice if you are NOT in there for alcohol abuse? I can only work on one issue at a time, I'm not so hot at multi-tasking on the home front. By the way, did you get the residency completed in Plastic surgery, or did you decide to delay that since you already had the astronaut program scheduled in your afternoon break? (is it true that you have already landed the shuttle 12 times in 2 hours?) Maybe what I really need is not a different manly man, but some lipo and some botox? What are your rates for that ? (if you can work it inbetween the shuttle flight and your recognition ceremony by the AMA,of course.) And, most important question: DO YOU TAKE CREDIT CARDS, AND CAN I PAY THIS OUT? I think I am still an authorized user on one of JohnM's; I know he wouldn't mind my getting it out of the sock drawer. He's very happy now that he's back with DreamGirl, and I know that deep inside, he wants me to be happy, too. thanks for your care & concern, Maggie
Re: To CLC Dear Pulse, I'll be in touch tomorrow to discuss your Private Pension Plan. Don't be late, you only have 3 weeks to accumulate assets before you go on Medicare.
Re: To CLC Dear Maggie, How prescient of you to pick out my very next residency program in plastic surgery. I will not start the program until Monday and hope to have it completed by Tuesday at five (surgical residencies are always longer). I chose to do psychiatry first for the obvious reasons I needed to get inside the heads of women such as yourself that not only have co-dependent issues but body image issues as well. As a psychiatrist I would advise you that beauty fades and intelligence and personality persevere. One must love the person inside. As a soon to be plastic surgeon....have you considered a mini-facelift ala Greta Van Susteren? I could follow it up with Botox. But the mini includes an eye lift at no additinal charge. How about a breast perk up? Thank you for mentioning my AMA psychiatrist of the minute award. The ceremonies take place at the Sparkle Car Wash in Anytown, PA on Saturday and all my creditnet fans are welcommed to attend. Power bars and a free wash for all invitees. In answer to your cranberry & vodka prescription. Hazelden will provide that as part of your complete therapy. God forbid their manaholics go into alcoholic withdrawal. BTW if you need to speak with me after Monday my new number is 1-800-NEW-TITS (639-8487). Looking forward to servicing your needs. clc, m.d.
To Butch, my hero I am so hurt and jealous that you have extended such an outstanding offer to Pulse to assess her finances. I am hurt because the flirty girls have not gotten the same offer, at least not that I can tell. We really need your expertise much more than Pulse does!. She will probably have lots of financial support from her daughters, and she has all those frequent flier miles to cash in. How do I go about accumulating some additional assets? your insights, please Fondly, Maggie PS, you're not mad at me are you? I didn't mean to make fun of your name, really I didn't. Please accept my apology and get me on the right road to financial stability and high yield annuities.
Re: To Butch, my hero Now Maggie you can't have all the guys! Anybody that can't appreciate the overt sexiness of a name like Butch can't possibly fathom the underlying talent of a CFP. I mean you didn't even acknowledge his existence until I pointed him out to you when I asked for your lovelorn advice (whatever possessed me!). So go chase another hunka hunka 'cause this one is MINE! clc
Re: OH NO! This post needs to go down in the CN hall of fame! I don't think I've ever laughed so hard! LOL
Re: OH NO! What's the difference between a CPA, CFP & JD? Question: what does 2 + 2 equal Answer: CPA: 4 of course! CFP: with minute by minute compounding interest at 8% it could equal $1MM JD: what do you want it to equal? clc
Re: To Butch, my hero Yea but she's on a REAL tight time-line. roflmao. BTW - ALL flirty girls get the best offers. ~~
ET Exclusive - Dream Girl Interview Entertainment Tonight Special Dream Girl Interview August 1. 2002 The terrifically talented, tanned, and toned DREAM GIRL opened her heart and home to Baronâ??s magazine. America's radiant "Credit Netter" is playing cover girl in the mag's August issue. As she gets set for the release of her summer feature, 'The Pulse Monologuesâ??, she opened up about her private life with famous hubby JOHNM. So what makes their union so blessed? "Everything else is okay when you have [the relationship] intact," Dream Girl told Barons. "It's the most wonderful feeling. I think it's made me more comfortable in who I am to have someone who loves me, and accepts me with all of my crap and dysfunction and insecurities and struggles." Despite all the fame, fortune and attention Dream Girl has received as one of "Credit Nets"' most popular players, she said she isn't blind to what's truly important. "Fame's great ... Well, not fame, but the ability to hold a job as long as I have and work doing what I like to do. But if the love wasn't there, if I didn't have this relationship ... that would be a bummer." Family values aside, Dream Girl also discusses her role as a small-town internet Troll in 'The Pulse Monologues,' opening August 7. "I really like this movie, but I'm terrified for it to come out because it's so different. Can't it just end right here before we have to go rake ourselves over the coals and be put on trial by all the newbies?" What else does the million-dollar woman worry about? "I worry about embarrassing myself. I worry about being a laughingstock ... I worry about worrying too much!" Nice to know the "picture perfect" Dream Girl is just as real as the rest of us! Watch ET tonight for the latest on Dream's cover-girl gig. The August issue of Barons hits stands Monday, August 5.
Re: ET Exclusive - Dream Girl Interview Thanks, honey, it really is hard being me sometime but I have to do it for all the fans. And in the famous words of pulse herself, "To no me is to love me."
Re: ET Exclusive - Dream Girl Interview Well, I have finally unmasked pulse. I was doing some freelance due diligence work (a hobby of mine--don't ask) for Butch, when I stumbled upon detailed descriptions of a woman so neurotic, so completely out of touch, that she can only be our little pulsie-poo. I submit the following before the committee for your consideration: From a website I stumbled across: Name: Maris Crane. Age: 40, on more than one occasion. Children: None, for goodness' sake. Father: A yachtsman ("the Commodore") with only months to live. Household income: Rich. Make that filthy rich. Appearance: Small and slender, with a wan complexion. Or, as Frasier puts it: "Bleached, 100 percent fat free, and best if kept in an airtight container." Demeanor: Frosty, and not as in "...the Snowman." Hobbies: Sensory deprivation, plastic surgery, fencing, interpretive dance, and the Women's Senior Yoga Group ("old money in bodystockings," says Niles). Kept several prize topiaries until Yoshi the gardner emasculated them during a drunken trimming spree. Always dreamed of being a ballet dancer, but according to Niles, "The poor dear could never get her weight up enough." Clubs: Won election as wine club president when her photos from rival Matthew Pym's wedding showed the label on the champagne he served. Worked tirelessly in a failed attempt to get Niles into Seattle's prestigious Empire Club by cultivating relationships, rumor-mongering, and accidentally dumping crabmeat into the cleavage of another candidate's wife. Charitable endeavors:Maris once contributed to the care (at least the hair care) of a foreign foster child. Medical history: Hypoglycemic, allergic to roses, and unable to produce saliva. Unusually rigid vertebrae, and quadriceps so tight she can't straddle anything larger than a Border collie. Views on romance: Does not trust unconditional love. Requires proper motivation (read: nice new Mercedes) to get in the mood. Defense mechanism: A pearl-handled revolver she keeps under her pillow. Appeal: "Maris is a wondrous distillation of many essences," says Niles. "It's as if you could take a great French cathedral, a painting by El Greco, and the upper third of Norway and magically transform them into one tiny woman with ferret eyes and disturbing hair." From another website: Maris is a small, extremely thin woman - "Ounces of fun" Frasier once referred to her as. She can be very controlling (taking after her late father, the "Commodore") and has to inspired to make decisions (by things such as a new Mercedes which Niles bought for her as an "I'm sorry" present after they had an argument). She has at least two sisters (one in Chicago, the other in Dallas) and countless servants such as Yoshi the gardener or Marta the maid. She cannot produce saliva (meaning her servants have to lick envelopes for her) or eat certain foods - such as shellfish, poultry, red meat, saturated fats, nitrates, wheat, starch, sulphates and nuts. She thinks her allergy to chocolate means she can use the disabled parking spaces. She has this thing which makes her lose all co-ordination whenever she passes a shoe shop. She has over 112 unpaid parking tickets. She tries too hard to be interesting and exhausts herself in the process. Her room is opposite Niles'. She sleeps with a pistol under her pillowâ?¦ Niles and Maris first met when he saw her banging the electric gates to her home when they wouldn't open after she went to an antique fair. They married three years later and went to Zurich on their honeymoon. And did they live happily ever after? "No, can't say as we did," Niles tells Diane after she enquires about her. Their marriage finally ended after Niles found out that Maris was having an affair with the couple's therapist, Dr Bernard Shenkman.
where is Doc? DOESN'T ANYONE WONDER if Pulse has kidnapped Doc and put him on a slow boat to China ? ( she had met the Captain at a little bar outside Peking the last time she was there, and he was very open to her wily ways.) He was seeking an an opportunity to mind-meld, Pulse had learned the technique from Captain Kirk himsef. He wanted to learn all that she knew about credit and defending the rights of all newbies. You see, Captain Bob had quite a problem with delayed delivery of his credit card bills. It seems like the bills were always being delivered in the Northern Hemisphere while he was sailing around Australia and South America. Surely her advice was worth a ticket for a third party passenger? I truly am concerned ! Doesn't anyone else think it is at least in the realm of possibility that Pulse may have bartered her tremendous expertise in FCRA and FCDPA into a one way ticket for Doc? I know someone else must have sensed a little latent hostility from Pulse toward our favorite psychguy. Please tell me I am not the only one who read that in her threads, I mean treads. I really don't think I will be able to put this whole Pulsegate behind me until I know that Doc is safe and sound. BTW, Butch, I do need some planning. What's your going rate for flirty girls versus what you charge for stuckup/this side of matronly/women? And CLC, did you get to go to DreamGirl and JohnM's rededication ceremony? I think they got a great deal on the recycled cake and champagne from Pulse's daughter's cancelled wedding to the CRA groom...it worked out well for all, since the freight for hauling those leftovers all the way to China was more than Pulse had in her bank account, and she gave them a break on the groom's cake. I wasn't asked to go, I think JohnM was afraid that I might break out into wails of frenzied jealousy, and disrupt their ceremony. I am hoping, however, that DreamGirl will share the pictures once they are developed by the photographer ( really great guy, he did some nice work at the Prom for CharlieLex's daughter and for NanaC's christening for her first grandbaby.) I'm really hoping, CLC, that you have good luck this weekend revamping your drawing for the new World Trade Center site. I know you can work in those ideas based on the recent focus group results. I was so pleased when I read in the NY times that you made one of the 5 finalists. Quite an accomplishment for someone who graduated a 4 year program in only 2.5 days. I hope that you can drop the new drawings off in NYCity on the way to my Botox/Lipo/ Perky Lift surgery Monday morning in Texas. Please do not be late, I don't wait to drag out a 20second operation into 45seconds, just because you're scheduling your appointments too close. To all Creditnetters: experts,newbies, and those in between: Hope y'all are all on the way to a great weekend. I bought diet cranberry juice instead of regular, so it's back to the store before I leave for Hazleden rehab in search of self esteem and guidance in how to select a manly man. Kiss, kiss
