Here are some actual humorous state

Discussion in 'General Lounge' started by lbrown59, Apr 29, 2003.

  1. lbrown59

    lbrown59 Well-Known Member

    Here are some actual humorous statements by airline flights
    crews.

    Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the
    "in-flight safety lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are
    some real examples that have been heard or reported:

    "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables
    and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable
    position."

    "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only
    4 ways out of this airplane..."

    "Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the
    event of an emergency water landing, please take them with
    our compliments."

    "We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must
    smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort
    you to the wing of the airplane.

    Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught
    smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane
    immediately.

    Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it's warm, the sun is shining,
    and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it's
    dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y'all wanna go there
    I really don't know."

    Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so
    I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move
    about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we
    land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings
    it affects the flight pattern."

    And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express.
    We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed
    taking you for a ride."

    As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to cross in
    front of us, some of the passengers were beginning to retrieve
    luggage from the overhead bins. The head steward announced on the
    intercom, "This aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance
    system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers not
    remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and
    complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched as they leave
    the aircraft.

    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National,
    a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!

    "Here are a few heard from Northwest: "Should the cabin lose pressure,
    oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag
    over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults
    acting like children.

    As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings.
    Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
    attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.

    "And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have
    some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none
    of them are on this flight. "
     

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