At what age should you have a baby?

Dani, I think that you need to examine the reasons you want a child. Iâ??m not trying to offend you but it sounds like you think of a child as a piece of property. My friend bought a new house and I want one, my sister bought a new car and I want one, all the women in my family have babies and I want one too. There are many reasons to want a child but this is not a good one. You are right, it is an â? extremely unselfish choiceâ?. It is also a lifetime commitment, we are talking about a human being, not a car that you can sell or trade off when it no longer meets your needs.

Iâ??m not the best person to give advice and Iâ??m not trying to condemn you. Iâ??m full of the same human weaknesses that everyone has and have probably taken them to greater extents then most. But I do know that having a child just because everyone else has is not a good reason.

To answer to some of your other questions. I have two children. I was 25 when the first was born, 31 when the second came along. We were not planning on having children, for that matter we had not planned either way. It just happened. Do I regret it? Not at all never! Having children was the greatness thing that ever happened to me. Children matured me and gave a focus to my life. Children change your life, they keep you up all night, mess up your home, scare you, worry you, are demanding, break your heart, and more. Again, I regret none of it. Iâ??m not a perfect parent, not by any means I have made lots and lots of mistakes. I will probably make more. But I never regret my children and very sincerely Thank God for them.

Examine the reasons that you want children and if they are valid then by all means have children. You will make a lot of sacrifices and changes in your life but what you get in return is more then worth it. The smile on their face when you come home from work, the crayon birthday card, and waking up in the morning with their arm around you finding that they have crawled in bed with you during the night. Itâ??s a lot of work, but the rewards are many.

 

Sorry Dani, I mis-understood you. I did get the impression that you were considering a child.

Again, if you want a child for the right reasons, I encourage it. Do it when you are young though, you need a lot of energy.

 

I waited until I turned 30 before I decided it was time. I have two now (3 & 5) and they are a BLAST! But honestly, sometimes hubby and I get pretty darn tired!!!! LOL! (right around bath time - going into the "it's time for bed" phase. )

There are times when we wish we hadn't waited until we "had enough money, time, this and that etc." because that never really happens. I was scared also, (PAIN, instincts, would I do things right? Did i mention PAIN!!!) but hitting 30 somehow pushed my maternal button and I just knew it was now or never.

I've never once regretted my decision and even when we're completely worn out now, we're still smiling.

I have to admit, I'm one lucky gal too. My hubby is a very involved hands-on daddy (he's also the best cook in the house, best horsey, best "Play with me" pal they have!) we totally can count on each other when the other is just about to scream. I have gal friends who literally do EVERYTHING themselves (take care of kids and hubby and everything else in the universe) and if my life was like that I think I'd collapse.

I count my blessings BIG time.

Somehow, you'll more than likely know it's right. Whenever that is, is entirely up to you, no one else.

newstdt )

 

I have 3 children ( including a 9 week old son )
I was 21 when my first was born and I was terrified at the prospect of being a "daddy"

I would not have waited if given the choice. Right now I am getting 4 hours a day sleep and it is hard to function ( I am 33 ).I can't imagine having a newborn when I was 40 or 45. They would be leaving the nest as I was approaching retirement

You are very intelligent to recognize that now is not the right time. I know so many people that had kids just "because' or as a result of their parents begging for a grandchild.

When the time is right, you will know.

My brother is waiting until the time is right to have children. His wife wants them "yesteday". She tells us she feels left out as they are the only family members without kids. Hello!! That is a stupid reason to have a child.

 

Hi all! Long time, no see!

Dani, I think you and I are the same age (I'll be 25 this June) and I totally feel your pain! My fiance and I are getting married in January and are fully aware that no sooner will the ink dry on our marriage license that everyone will start asking "When are you going to have a baaaaaby?" I think you're doing the right thing to think things through; too many people have kids because all of their friends do or because their parents are laying on the pressure. You are smart enough to realize that kids are not fashion accessories and that the decision to have a child is a life-altering one, and you should feel good about that.

As far as having no maternal instincts goes, I think that that develops with time, and that for each woman it is different. I never felt particularly maternal, but lately my belief in the biological clock has been renewed--I find myself wistfully looking at people with kids. Then again, I also thank God that I am childless when I'm in line at the grocery store with someone's little darling screaming his/her head off behind me, so who knows?

If it makes you feel any better, a lot of it has to do with perspective. I work with a bunch of avowed single people who can't imagine why I'd want to get married at 25 ("but you're so young!"). Do what is best for you, your husband, and any future children you may decide to have. Easier said than done, I know, but I'm right there with you!

 

If the kids aren't in school by 40 years old...YOU WAITED TOO LONG...

 

Dani-
I honestly believe you don't get maternal instincts until you have a child, I know I didn't.
My children were not planned, and we DEFINATELY were NOT prepared for them financially or emotionally. Do I regret them, never, but I do regret not being in a better financial situation. I am 25 with a 4 year old and a 3 year old, NONE of my friends have children.

You want to know if your feelings are right or wrong, they're your feelings, only you can decide that. Just because everyone else around you has children doesn't it make it right for you. Even though you gain a lot when you have kids, unconditional love, a messy house, dirty diapers, etc. You also lose the ability to pack up and go away with hubby without a moments notice.

Only you can decide.

 

Wow, Well I'm 27 with 5 children, ages 10,7,5,3, and 1. Four boys and one girl in hte middle. including my fiance he's #6, he's 40. LOL I can't say much except that only you are the only one that will know when your ready. Maternal instincts come with the child, I believe. I have bought and changed diapers for TEN years straight, don't remember the last time I bathed, shopped, or woke up in a DRY bed with just my fiance, but children are a true blessing. Regrets no way!! The only regrets that I have is being married at 15 in which my 2 older ones were born, they have not seen or spoke to their father in 7 years.And believe me I like it that way, just my 10yo knows about him and questions it sometimes, but knows that his stepfather is the one who provides and loves him. I don't regret my children just whom I had them with. We have been unable to find him or even know that he's alive for that matter to allow my fiance to adopt. Hell, I was finally able to get divorced last year!! I understand what you mean about people asking you 'when are you gonna have' becasue I always get 'are you done yet'. I just tell them I will send the the bill to YOU if I do have anymore. Why should they care, they don't provide for them. It can be irrataing at times. Yes I am done!!! I'm still learning every day about my children. Every child is different. My first was not planned nor was I ever thinking of having children but once I heard 'positive' from the doctor, it was a huge wakeup call but a good one. I read alot of books and kicked all the bad habits,cigerette, coffee, etc, but they really can't tell you about your children. Every mother and child is different. I think it's great that you know that your not ready, or want children and don't let anyone make you feel bad because you don't. Time may come later when your ready or maybe not. My older sister was jeolous that I was married, having a child,so she went out and got pregnant, gave up for adoption but to my mother which believe me is not good, got married later had 2 more children and now in-laws have them, she only gets them on weekends. Why? Because she wasn't ready nor did she really want them. It has to be what your wanting and when your ready. It's your and only your choice. Me, I suffer from depression and honestly believe that my love for my children is what keeps me waking up everyday, just to hear Good Morning Mommy and know that their life is in my hands and proud of it. As for MY life, no I have never gone out without at least 2 children, stopped working full time and have no friends but I look at this way (my situation) for now my fiance makes enough for us to live comfortable then in 6 years I can return to school and make a career for myself, and by the time all 5 are 18yo I will be 44yo and then I can live 'my' life and happy and fulfilled about it, can't say fiance is happy though he will be 57. LOL But he has lived , he says.It really doesn't bother him much. He has a 21yo too. Um, point is I think I have a point lol when your ready, your ready!! I don't have much adult converstation either, can you tell? HA Raising children is a exhausting job but the rewards are outstanding and neverending. Sometimes I watch and listen to mine playing with each other and to hear them saying little phrases as I do or fiance is reward enough, along with being truly blessed. As for seeing your husband, ha I'm not sure, my fiance left for work Monday morning at 6am, has anybody seen him???haha
They say life is full of trial and tribulations, God would not give you more then you can handle. I wish he would stop trusting me so much. HA

MOMOF5

 

Dani
Thats a hard one. I don't think there is a magical age to have a child. From my experience, it is more are you ready financially?
I have three boys, ages 21, 17, and 10. I love them to death, but wish I hadn't been so anxious to have them so soon.
We had our first two years after getting married, he, like all three was planned. In a matter of speaking anyway, we knew we wanted each one and decided when to try, just wish we had planned financially as well.
My oldest just got married, my husband and I both talked to him till we were blue in the face about waiting awhile, "whats your hurry, she's not going anywhere, at least if she loves you". They married in March. We must have forgotten how crazy WE were at that age! Then we gave him another speech, "at least wait to have a baby". We'll be grandparents in December! Oh well. I just hate for him to have to start off a marriage like his father and I, always worried about money.
All you can do is pray for the best.
If you are not sure you are ready for kids, your probably not, its a tremendous responsibility, and you do lose your freedom to some extent. But oh how wonderful they can be!

 

well physically I read that the best age to have babay is 19. this suppose to optimal for baby and mother. having children the older you get the further you get away from the optimam out comes for babay and mother. This came from a leading obgyn.
but a sisty year old woman made the news. they expected the child to have down syndrom, the child did not. one reasonthey expected the ds is because a womans eggs age and become less perfect, of course I am makeing it more simplified than it actually is.

 

Hi Dani

Not all people want children and that is ok. I have a cousin who is a few years younger than me and she decided a long time ago that having kids wasnt for her and even marriage for that matter. She is in a long-term commited relationship. They live together and they both agree that that is enough for them. We have accepted her boyfriend into the family just the same as if they were married. She is very content not being married or having children. She considers her brother's kids her pride and joy. I personally think she would make a wonderful mother after seeing her with her nieces and nephew but it is her decision and we as a family have accepted that. I think you have to do what is right for you. You cant do things to please your family or others around you. You get asked the question, "So when are you guys going to start a family?" like I get the question, "when are you going to settle down and get married?" It is annoying but something that you have to get use to. I am ready to get married and have kids but I just havent found my "perfect someone." I am not going to settle because society thinks I am getting up there in age (32) and I should have been married a long time ago. In your case, society thinks OK, you have been married for two years, now you should think about having children. The times are changing and what was considered "the way" years ago, is so much different now. People are getting married and having children or not having children later in life.

You have to do what you feel is right for YOU, not anyone else!

 

Now I feel old! I am 35 and I just had my first baby in January 2002. I, too, was always conflicted about having children. Maybe that's why I waited until my 30's to get married. Didn't want the pressure. I have to say that it took until recently to feel content with my decision. As old as I am, I truly feel like I got the need to have "fun" out of my system (in nonbaby friendly ways) and I don't regret being home with my daughter. I think that I would have been resentful if I had a baby when I was younger.
I do look at my friends who had their babies in their early twenties and see that they will still be really young when their kids are grown. I am going to be near retirement age!
But above all, the choice is up to you.

 

I would say, the age you are when you get pregnant! LOL

No, seriously though, my mom said that if you wait until you are ready to have a child you never will!

For me, personally, I am glad I had my kids when I was young and broke. #1, babies don't notice! #2 I didn't have enough to sew any wildoats. My thinking is... in 8.5 years, when I am at the ripe age of 48, my last child will be 18. I will be done raising my brood. I also have a fairly high professional income which will probably be $20K higher by then. It is then that I will have the time and money to do whatever *I* want! LOL

Not to mention that @ 23, I had the energy to deal with a sickly infant who wouldn't sleep at night (for 10 months) all while I worked full time! I couldn't do that now.

Just my 2 cents worth.

 

I don't think there is a "Right" time to have a baby. I don't know how anyone can really prepare in advance for all of the changes that take place after a baby comes into the family. But it, of course, is best to wait until you are financially stable and at a good point in your career to take off if needed.


Calmest_LA