Ok guys and gals- I am EXTREMELY nervous, when I really have no reason to be. I have filed for "legal" custody for my son (we were never married so there is no LEGAL custody). I have played out EVERY scenario, will he show up? Will he request visitation? Will HE request joint or sole custody? Is he willing to sign over his rights tomorrow? I (or my son) haven't seen him almost 4 years (since my son's first bday). He rarely pays child support, in fact I got my first check in 6 months last week. He has not attempted to contact me in all those years, and I lived at the same address up until 2 months ago. Anyway, please wish me luck. My mind has gotten the best of me and just a bit of reassurance right now would be comforting. Thank you!!
KHM, Luck, Luck and more luck!!!!!!!!! Please post as soon as you can tomorrow I can't imagine there's anything I can say that would help you with the impending sleepless night ahead. You're doing the right thing! Sassy
wishing luck and best out come for your son. Perhaps the father has done some "real" soul searching and will be a very good influence in your son's life. He is the father and has a right to see him. I know it will be hard for you. But things will work out. wishing the best fro you and your son.
You'll be fine. With what you just posted above, he won't show up. He obviously doesn't care. After you get custody, you should sever his parental rights.
Sorry for taking so long to post. Well he DID show up!!!! About 2 minutes before we were suppose to go. So I decide to go over to him (I'm still shocked at how civil *I* was). Well I said that this was just a temp. hearing and that if we could resolve it NOW, it could be a final hearing. He said "what do you want me to do?" I said simple I want full custody (legal and physical) and for you to have no visitation. He said FINE!!!!!!!!!!! He agreed it wouldn't be in my sons best interest for him to come back into his life after 4 years of no contact. The judge agreed, so he has no visitation (YAY!) Ready for the kicker?!?! He agreed to let my hubby adopt my son. We ALL went to the probate court and did all the paperwork. He has signed off on my son. He asked 100 times if there will be anymore child support and I said if the State of NH F*cks up and still garnishes your wages (which I'm sure they will) I told him I would sign over the checks to him. It was a very strange situation, it was if we talk everyday. As much as I want to hate him, I can't. Not because he gave me my son, but because through the last 4+ years he hasn't tormented me. I have friends with kids that are separated, and I couldn't imagine getting treated the way they do. In case you're wondering, I am upset that someone can just brush away a child so easily, but I KNOW this is the best for my son. All in all, we spent 2 hours together yesterday. 1 hour discussing custody and 1 hour filling out the adoption paperwork. He never once hesitated about terminating his rights.
Oh Kellie! I'm so happy for you! Now there isn't going to be any worries about school. I'm glad everything worked out. It usually has a way of doing that, doesn't it?
Erica- Thank you!! I have tons of mixed emotions, but most of all relief. I had SOOO many questions for him and he answered them all. Four years of sleepless nights NO MORE!
Hey girl - I thought about you yesterday!!! I am soooo happy things turned out so well. I didn't realize our situations were so similar - My daughter is 9 now. I had her when I was in college. I never married the guy - never put his name on her birth certificate - never took a dime from him. I just wanted him to leave me alone. And he has. Now my husband wants to adopt my daughter. (We also have a 3 year old). My attorney told me to just say that I have no idea who the father is (yikes!) which is what I am going to do. I KNOW firsthand what you have been going through for four years - the constant worry that he would show up and want visitation. The very thought of my daughter's "biological origin" taking her somewhere scared the HELL out of me for years. But I don't worry about it anymore. I know it's not gonna happen - especially almost 10 years later - because in the eyes of the law, he has never had any rights. Again, I am sooooo happy for you, your husband, and your little one!
KHM, I know exactly what is feels like to be brushed away, Its alot better then people realize, I was adult at 16, got to do alot more things, own alot more things, learn alot more things, Also had to lose alot of things. BUT I am not disappointed. Your son is lucky though to have a mother that cares more for him altogether then two parents could. So I think it turned out pretty good, the man that donated his genes to your son will now have to live with that decision for the rest of his life. The most important thing is the conscience, I rule everyday using it, it determine how I will feel the next day. It the same for everyone. I am very happy for you and your son, but I am sad for the man that lost his right to live with a clear conscience over money.
You're upset because you got what you wanted? Don't be so certain that it was easy for him. Perhaps he knows that its what is best for his son and has accepted this sacrafice that he is making. I dont know anyone who would just "brush" away a child easily. I am certain he will have many haunted days ahead. I know many who continue the battle between the 2 parents at the expense of the child. He has choosen to let go. That is a mature, courageous step in my view. I hope you can do the same.
KHM: I just caught up on all of this and I just want to say how happy (and proud) I am of you! Your son is very lucky to have you!
KHM, Very good to read, VERY! Congrats to you, I understand the push and tug emotions of it, but am glad for you and your family. Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy! Sassy
Hermit- I am NOT upset I got what I want. And yes, I truely believe he "brushed" him off. He was too busy talking about his girlfriend and how he has recorded his own CD. He never said "this is what's best fo him", he did say OVER AND OVER, "this will save me $64 a week". It was never a "whats best for the child issue" it was always whats best for him. Trust me, if you knew ANYTHING about him you would realize this to be 100% true. You hope *I* can be mature and let go?????? PLEASE, I let go LONG ago.
Hermit, My ex brushed away his youngest without a "haunted" day, without a thought, without a blink of the eye....
KHM, I just read this thread...WOW and congradulations! I'm so glad everything turned out the way you wanted. Your son is very fortunate to have you, I wish you both all the best, and your dh seems like a great person as well. Best of luck to all of you!!
I have started three different times to respond to Hermit's post - and then stopped, because I don't want to turn this into a big discussion - HOWEVER - Hermit - there are people out there, both men and women - who do not give a rats a$$ about anyone but themselves. I know a "mother" who left her three little children with her husband - the youngest was 6 months old at the time - the oldest was 6 - and when the court ordered her to pay child support, she contacted the father and told him that he could have them - that all she wanted was to be left alone - and that she would sign over all her rights if he would agree to it so she wouldn't have to pay $25 a week. (Yes, that is right - $25 a week for three children - the minimum - because she wouldn't work.) On the other hand, a friend of mine gets $75 a week in child support from a man whose new wife constantly calls and harrasses her - telling her that she'd better spend that $75 on the 2 children - not on herself. Now, being a mother of 2 myself, it costs a hell of a lot more to raise two children than $75. In my situation, I chose not to put the "fathers" name on my child's birth certificate because I didn't want to deal with the kind of crap I have seen so many other single mothers deal with. If he had cared anything at all about my daughter, he would have at least tried to see her - all money issues aside - but he didn't. And for that, I am eternally thankful. So don't say that there aren't people out there who could just "brush" away a child - it happens every single day. The more I think about it, more and more people that I know personally come to mind. Thank God there are people like KHM and her wonderful husband who put their own feelings aside and do what is best for their children. By the way, when these children get old enough - who do you think they will consider their real parent - the one who was there for (maybe) two minutes (ha ha!) during conception - or the one who raised them, loved them, took care of them when they were sick, played with them, and tucked them in bed at night? I know the answer to this - because both my brother and I are adopted - and neither of us have ever given a second thought to finding our biological parents - and speaking for myself - I never will.
Ok, I'll say it once for the sake of clarity. I know lots of guys who act as the guy you speak about did. Very seldom would he show his true feelings. But there comes a time in a persons life -there are exceptions- when their conscious gets the better of them. Maybe 10, 20 , 30 years maybe on their death bed. But something will tug at them inside. Their lives will be incomplete in some way. And no, I don't think you have let go. You still want him to care about him, to show something. Or it wouldn't make you so angry. I would hope this is where it ends and you arn't saying the same things at home as well because the child really doesnt need to hear it. Thats my whole point in posting what I did. End of discussion for me.
