Well, I don't really know where to begin. I was recently on another credit talk forum and they suggested I write to you. I have about $20,000 in credit card debt that my husband is unaware of. To make matters worse, this is not the first time I have done this but I always seem to find a way out. I was forced to tell him the last time (about 3 yrs. ago) because I used my 401K to pay off the debt and had to pay taxes on it. His reaction was not good and I just cannot bring myself to tell him I did it again. Is there ANYTHING out there that will help? I was thinking along the lines of some sort of loan to pay off the cards, one that I cannot use to make any further charges and be done with it. Any ideas? Thank you.
#1 First thing CUT UP THE CARDS! #2 Develop a plan for paying them off. Are you current on all payments? Can you keep making the payments? If you can get a loan to consolidate at an interest rate lower than the cards, that is your best option. Can you borrow against your 401K? If you do not have an option for a loan, just start paying the cards off, beginning with the highest interest rate. Pay as much as possible on this one, while making minimum payments on theothers. Then roll down to the next one. www.myfico.com has an excellent forum for showing the results of doing this and also shows you how much sooner you can get things payed off by paying just a little extra every month. It helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel. #3 Tell your husband. You don't need the emotional strain that keeping it hid is putting on you. #4 Consider seeking professional help in finding out the reason this is a problem. Good Luck! Keep me posted.
Thanks so much for your reply. #1. The cards are locked away and I don't use them. #2. I'm hoping someone out there can give me advice on where to go to get a good consolidation loan on $20,000 with no collateral. #3. I can't tell my husband - he's not understanding and will lecture and lecture. Since this is not the first time this has happened, I just don't see a way to tell him. We are both in our early 50's and have been married 31 years, but yet I still can't tell him. And you're right, the emotional strain is horrible. It's the first thing I think about when waking up and the last thing when I go to sleep. #4. I am definitely seeking help/counseling to find out why I keep doing this. Thanks again! And if anyone has any ideas about how to get a low interest consolidation loan with no collateral, please HELP! Thanks so much.
Do you have any of the stuff you bought that can be returned? After you cut every card up, I would immediately find some professional help. You stated that this is the second time in just a couple of years you ran your cards up this high. There is definitely some underlying reason you keep doing this. Oprah last night was talking about this same thing. There is probably info on her website at www.oprah.com about the show. I don't think trading card debt for a loan is going to get you out of your problem. You are just moving debt, not lowering it. Maybe if you list the cards, amounts due, interest rates, minimum payments, and money that you can apply to these debts someone here can help you with a snowballing. Good Luck, Michelle
I agree. You need to get some help to stop doing this. I had a friend who did the same thing. You need to learn that "things" aren't that important. You may need your husband's help, but go to him with a plan. Tell him what you've done, give him the cards to cut up, and have an appointment already made for some counseling. Maybe you can ask him to go along, the counselor may have some ways he can help you. You know that you can't keep doing this. Sooner or later, you're going to lose your marriage if you don't shape up. Make a budget and stick to it. Again, I would do this before going to your husband. As was mentioned earlier, pay off the highest interest rate first. Pay as much extra as you can on the highest interest rate, minimums on everything else. When that card is paid off, take the full amount you were paying on it (the minimum plus the extra) and add it to the minimum on the next card. Pay that amount every month until it's paid off, then add that entire amount to the next one, etc. If you can get some low interest balance transfers, do that and pay only the minimums on it, using everything else on the highest interest rate. Keep track of the interest rates, they may change. If they do, shift all the extra to whichever one is the highest. Any extra money goes straight to paying off bills. Can you get a second job? If so, every penny goes to the bills. But above all, don't buy anything you can't pay cash for! And remember, there's a difference between needs and wants. Don't but anything you want, only what you need. And needs are minimal--shelter, food, clothing. Don't go out to eat. Eat at home and put the rest of the money on your bills. I really think if you don't get some help you'll never break out of this cycle.
Hi Desperate, Welcome to the board. 20 grand really isn't all that much. You did it once you can do it again. The real problem is this secret. You simply must figure out a way to level with him. After 31 years of marriage you cannot allow this to stand between the 2 of you. The best way to do it is to develop a plan on how you can tackle the problem. When you tell him what the problem is you'll also have the solution handy. It will "temper" the situation at least enough for the both of you to get through it. The damage to your spiritual relationship, not to mention ultimately your health, just isn't worth the short painful confession you know you must make. Know also that you're not alone. This problem permeates every area of our society, and if you need help with it, resolve to go get it. Have this ready when you talk also. Whether it's booze, drugs, gambling or over spending it's all pretty much a disease and help IS available. I just picked up 15 grand for 8 years @ $160 a month. Peanuts. So there are solutions. Don't carry all this alone. Good luck, we'll be thinkin of ya. Let us know how it goes.
Yes, it can be done. I'm almost out from $77K or so. Down to around $20K, all below 8% now (some was in the upper 20% at one time). I was on my own at first, then I met my current husband and he has helped. But I was struggling, but surviving. Mine was the result of a bad divorce. But, as I said before, and as Butch reiterated, tell your husband with a plan in hand. He may yell and lecture, but after 31 years I think you'll survive. You must have posted the part about the 31 years while I was posting, then I missed it. But if you've been together that long, it's all the more reason to face this together. So disregard my comment about your marriage not lasting!
Well, that makes me feel a little better. If you can pay off that much debt, I can certainly give it a shot. How long did that take you?
Butch, thank you so much for your kind reply. As far as "doing it once", I didn't do it on my own - always there was a way out for me. This time is different and that's why I'm so scared. Your advice is good though, and when I finally summon up the courage to tell him I will definitely need all my ducks in a row and have already sought the help I so desperately need. I guess I should start with some sort of addiction counseling?? It's nice to know that there are others out there with similar issues. Thanks!
There's lots of us out here. I was in a similar situation but $30k in debt. I really let lots of things get out of control, which eventually led to divorce, ruined credit, etc. etc. The good news is (like with any addiction), once you admit you have a problem and begin to work on it, things do get better. I'm not saying it's easy and fun, but definitely better. I've paid half the debt in less than 2 years, and am working on the credit mess too. The goal is to be debt free with sparkling credit by 2005!
Get your ducks in a row and tell your husband. Trust me, he WILL find out again if you do not (this is not opinion, but personal experience). My debt wasn't as large as yours, but boy, was my husband pissed. And quite frankly, what made him the most upset was that I didn't trust him enough to come to him for help. And he definitely did jump in and help. And, of course, I took months and months and months and months of lectures and distrust and snotty comments, etc. but I just bit my tongue and took my "punishment." But the punishment was far less than the stress of worrying at every phone call, every mail delivery, etc. that something was going to show up that would tip him off (if I knew that he was going to get the mail before I could I would literally panic!). Oh, I think you mentioned that you had locked the credit cards away. Not good enough. Cut them! (You probably will want to put the cut pieces in an envelope to prove that you did -- you are going to be spending a lot of time having to prove yourself because your word will mean nothing to your husband for awhile -- but trust me, it will get better.) Good luck!
It's hard to say how long it's taken me. I started getting in trouble in 1994-1995. I refinanced my house, I think in 1996 but may have been early 1997. I had to get a subprime mortgage at 11.5%, and took a lot of equity out of the house to pay off bills. The problem was that now my mortgage payment was so high, and I still had other credit cards, and I still had problems paying bills. So the bills mounted, more late fees, interest rate jacks, etc. Then I refinanced again and got my payments down some. I was now down to 8% on the mortgage. I don't remember if I took any more out that time or not, probably not. By then, I had met my current husband and he helped me out. In 2000, I got a settlement for a car accident and put it towards the bills. Then in early 2001, I got some money from my father's estate and used it toward the bills as well. Any bonus I've gotten, tax returns, etc all went toward bills. Now I'm putting part of my extra into my money market account instead of putting it all on bills, since I'm below 8% on everything. It will probably be another year or two. So it's hard to say, since I kept running up bills. I think when I got my accident settlement I was still at about $50K, now down around $20K.
