I am going to have a nervous breakdown!!! I HAD to file for custody of my son, because when registering him for Kindergarten, everyone there told me his deadbeat dad could "pick him up at anytime", I called the superintendent, I even went as far as calling the Govenors office. Well, I went down to Superior court to fille for custody as well as a temp order. I also filed to have his parents address served. Here's the catch I don't know if THEY still live there, last I heard from them was 3 years ago. Anyway, I figure I will cover all my bases, have their address served as well as do a publication, that way when I go to court, I smell like roses (or so I hope) I just called the "local paper" and they said to have my lawyer do it, well I don't have one and need to do it myself. I am told that ONLY lawyers can request publications, so I need to go pay a lawyer to do what *I* am capable of doing!!!! OH and here's the other good part, I have to go to a child impact seminar ($75), to learn how to teach my son to cope with custody/divorce issues. There's NO issue, he hasn't seen his father since his first BDay, he calls my hubby DAD, as far as anyone is concerned he IS his dad, just not the DNA provider. AND this seminar is court ordered, no getting around. The clerk said "No situation is different when it comes to children and divorce" WE WERE NEVER MARRIED!!!! He hasn't paid child support in 4 months, I don't want his money, or his time, or him being near my son~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG I need a valium...lol!! Edit* By the time all this is done, my son's gonna need a "why's mommy so stressed seminar"
While looking for something else I came across this web site www.prairelaw.com which as some advice regarding custody. They have lawyers who chat live their times are listed and what they talk about. They even have message boards. I have come back to site for other things, but they cover work, home, heath and finance. Even if doesn't answer any questions I'm sure there are parents out there going through the same thing and will have stories and maybe solutions to share. Good luck with everything.
Don't forget you have to carry it in your purse or pocket... Or take a stroller, or a little red wagon??? $75.00 worth of pennies would weigh much more than $75.00 worth of quarters... Quarters are just enough to SHOW THEM YOUR DISSATISFACTION with their stupid class!!!
The publiciation they are referring to is in the legal notices section of the most widely read newspaper in your town. However, I believe you are not REQUIRED to file it in that section. It is my understanding, and I'm not an expert but have had some experiences with this, that you need to put it in a location that is easily accessible, such as business or personal notices. Nobody reads those anyway, it's just a legal requirement that you provide notice to the public and the newspapers have schemed a way to make more money from us by inventing a section just for that. Just put the ad in business and personal notices and you've done your part. Get on with it, and you and your son's lives!
KHM, Forgive me if I step on your toes, but I think you are 100% wrong for seekig full custody of your son...based on what you've stated on this board...that your son's father is 4 months past due on child support...and that you fear he might try to pick up your son from school. It sounds like you're letting your anger get in the way of what's in your son's best interests. I'm sure there are other factors involved besides those you've presented on this board, but joint custody is the best approach in my opinion, unless there is a case of abuse or drug use by the father. I think children have a right to know both of their parents, irregardless of whether or not they are financially stable. Your son has a right to see his dad and to know the man for who and what he is. Sons need their fathers. If your "ex" is the deadbeat you say he is, then your son will eventually figure that out on his own...and his own realization will have a much greater impact on him than your opinion of his father. I am a divorced mother of two...married twice...and both of my sons see their respective dads every single month without fail, despite how I feel about their fathers. It's a sacrifice, but my kids are worth it. It would be very easy for me to rant and rave over what deadbeats their dads are. But that's my problem, my opinion, and has nothing to do with my children's right to see their dads. They think their dads are the greatest men on earth...if they're happy, I'm happy. In any case, good luck to you and your son...I hope things work out for the best. Calmest_LA
KHM, Presently you have joint custody? He's paid child support, though behind now, but he doesn't see him? Will he fight you for custody? He listed on the birth certificate since never married? I'm thinking maybe he'd just give up parental rights and let hubby adopt, supposed to be easier for step parents, or at least just leave you all alone and put your mind at ease. Sassy
my son's school let me register him under dh last name or bio dad's last name, my pref... so he was registered in school same name until sophomore year of high school. you might check and see what your school policy is. I could do it because he could register under my last name or his dad's..... we chose mine!
Calmest- The last time this "man" saw my son was on his first birthday, and my son will be 5 in September. NO WAY WILL I GO FOR JOINT CUSTODY. He is bottom feeding scum. My son HAS a father, that he loves very much and vice versa. I am taking this step by step, custody, then terminating parental rights. He has seen my son 3 MAYBE 4 times and that was in his first year. He was in Oklahoma when my son was born, and didn't get "a chance to get here" until he was 8 months old. Two times that he saw him, I NEEDED a babysitter and figured since he was the father, he SHOULD help out. When I went to pick him up the first time (my son was 10 mos.) the deadbeat dink was sound asleep and my son was going through cabinets. The second time, the deadbeat was living with mommy and daddy, and when I got there the deadbeat had left my son with them so "he could go out". This "man" is NOT stable, can't hold a job to save his life, in fact I don't even think he's in this state. He was given plenty of opportunity to be a part of his life, this "man" does not deserve to share the love my son gives.
Sassy- No presently NO ONE has custody. He pays child support sporatically. He wouldn't dare! Yes he signed the affadavit of paternity, hes on there. I don't even know where he is, I think he's skipped the state. I am doing this to protect my son from getting kidnapped by a man he DOESN'T know, and so I sleep well at night, and so I am not so stressed in front of my kids.
KHM, I understand, I had the same fears when my son was entering school, he's 18 now. My son's sperm donor wasn't listed on the birth certificate though he would never give up parental rights. We were never married either. He never saw my son since he was about 6 months old and never paid a penny towards child support. Sometimes I think that's not fair and I know my son deserved better, but the fact was, he wasn't going to get better from the sperm donor, so I was happy to have my son without restriction and treasured every moment, still do! I enrolled my son with my hubby's last name, it was never legally changed, but it was never a problem either. The only time it has come up in 18 years was when he went to get his driver's license as he needed his birth certificate for one of the forms of ID. At 18, he legally changed his name through the court, $130.00, though I understand that was not necessary, mostly just symbolic so I could get emotional, LOL. His social security was issued in my husband's last name -- I used a report card and medical bill. You only have to show that it is the name he uses. Good luck to you, whatever you must do you must, especially where our children our concerned. BTW, my biggest concern was who would be guardian if I died -- that was addressed in my will, though I'm sure the sperm donor could have raised some legal issues if he wanted to. Want to, I think is the key word. Sperm donors that show NO interest as mine did and as yours does, don't have the internal stuff to make anything happen. I only asked about parental rights and adoption, because I understand with a child as young as yours, for a step-parent to adopt, the time frames for declaring abandonment are much shorter. Sleep well, KHM, you're the only one that knows what is best for your child, and from one mom who's been there to another, I know you are doing just that. Sassy
Sassy- Thank you!!! I went to my Sheriff's office yesterday to have him served at his parents address. The thing is, I didn't know the address, I just knew which condo complex they live in. The deputy sheriff was AMAZING! She got me their address, but the strange twist is, the DNA Dad's Dad died in February. I feel kinda bad having his step mother served so soon after this happening, but I have to do what I have to do. They also gave me DNA dad's last known address as of February. She gave me more info than I know what to do with. Info I've been looking for for 3 years. She said "whatever you do, don't go and kill someone"....lol, like I have time.
If you can not have him served at that address, you can amend the petition to state, "or wheere ever he may be" this is a catch all that I learned in court the other day.
