Marriage, Money, and Communication

Discussion in 'General Lounge' started by greeneyez, Jun 14, 2016.

  1. greeneyez

    greeneyez Well-Known Member

    Hi Everyone,

    I'm just curious how everyone handles finances in their marriage. My husband and I have only been married roughly two years. Because he acquired a job that has him out of town most of the time, I have to learn how to handle all of the finances on my own. I feel overwhelmed, tired, and frustrated. Because I have the better written communication skills in the relationship, I am also the one who handles our credit. It becomes so much for me--by the time I get home from work, exercise, and THEN work on credit issues, it is time for bed. No "me" time.

    On top of that, I have become really jaded. I notice myself being envious of others. I just can't imagine NOT worrying about my car dying and being unable to pull a loan, not worrying about collectors, not worrying about medical bills, etc. etc. etc. We both have full time jobs with great companies. We both aren't spenders. We have never gone on vacation--not even a honeymoon. We drive VERY, very modest USED cars. We barely eat out (heck, he's out of town most of the time). It just doesn't add up. I feel like we work and work and work, and have nothing to show. I just never imagined living my life this way. The whole situation is very depressing, especially when I'm alone with my two cats feeling sorry for myself lol.

    My husbands' divorce put him in financial ruins. He (now we) still is (are) paying for some of the things his ex-wife put him through. I have debt also because of a psychotic ex. It's kind of like feeling I'm always living in the past, and never for the now. We want children (or hey, A child is fine. Just one!), and that can't seem to happen either.

    Sorry about the rant, I just had to get it out.

    Would anyone like to share their story? Feelings, etc? I would love to hear. Thanks for listening!
  2. JoshuaHeckathorn

    JoshuaHeckathorn Administrator

    I'm sorry you're feeling so down and unhappy with life. It sounds like you have a lot of challenges to deal with, and it also sounds like you're trying you're very best to make good choices and keep up with all your responsibilities. Kudos to you for that.

    Let me suggest that you try your best to be patient and find ways to be thankful for what you do have. Don't focus on what everyone else has. The grass will always seem greener on the other side. And it really could be worse, right? You could have no job, no cars, and no money to ever eat out.

    If you keep doing what you're doing and focus on saving/investing vs. spending, your financial situation will improve with time. I've been married for 12 years now and my wife and I are both savers. We share the responsibility of handling our finances, and we treat everything we do have as equal. For us, that's the way to go, and it's served us well.

    And don't rush too fast into adding a child into the mix. It doesn't make things any easier :)

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