(1) Whatever you do, don't shave. (2) Steal a large bath towel from a hotel and place it on your head. (3) Place as many metal objects as possible in a small piece of carry-on luggage. (4) Every few minutes, shout "Death to America" as loudly as possible. Shout it in Arabic so as not to call attention to yourself. (5) If you see a female with her ankles or calves exposed, tell her that she is a prostitute and that Allah has condemned her. Then offer her $20 to perform multiple sex acts with you. "You know, just like the Jew did for Clinton." (6) Sneer and stare at everyone who attempts to speak to you. Never respond to questions or instructions from airline employees or security personnel. If you follow these simple steps, not only are you guaranteed a seat on that all-important first flight, but you can also rest assured that your luggage will never be searched. This system has been tried and proven effective. It will work for you as well.