Get the great benefits of the trustworthy Gary Condit Visa! Here are some of the terms: Must have relationship banking - er - not EXACTLY relationship banking - er - I really cannot go into that here out of respect for the banking institution - its private. Late fees - I am not late - I disclosed everything you applicants need to know - to the people that needed to know it - 4 TIMES I was upfront about your fees and I will not discuss it further! Credit limits: high enough to buy a nice watch for someone like me. Oh, it wasn't a watch for me - it was - oh lets move to the next category. Honesty: you know with the congressional Gary Condit Visa, I am honest 100%. I passed my own lie detector test - I know! I have lent money for 34 years - its not a perfect Visa - but no relationship banking is necessary - er - well not EXACTLY a relationship. Now where is that missing intern I used to invite over to the Visa dept and X%!*! OTHER BENEFITS!!!!!!! ............. Go ahead yall! Dogman
APPLY Today...... you will receive a response in 67 days or more - er - no wait - my lawyer tried to nail me with some papers I did not pay $500 per hour for --- now wait.. you have had your response! I'm puzzled by all this.
Flight attendents may apply - and I will fulfill all those applicants first. I'm not a perfect company but I am honest. You know I am. Connie Cheung will vouch for me. Her reputation is beyond question - or - well - hmmmm. Flight attendents must sign they never REALLY took the card!
It needs to have: Polygraph Insurance, purchase points that can be used for a free haircut at the place he goes to as well as "official" styling, should you have an affair, a supplemental covers the cost of marriage and family counseling.
If the card should become lost...we had nothing to do with it, we did not do anything to cause it to become lost. We had a close relationship with you but out of respect for you and your family, we refuse to disclose the details (terms) of our relationship even though we are an imperfect company.
If I do'd it, I get a whippin'... On a Related Subject: Last of the Clinton jokes? After much arguing and deliberation, historians this week have come up with a phrase to describe the Clinton Era: It will be called: "Sex Between The Bushes" The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta announced that Clinton has proven that you CAN get sex from Aides. Jennifer Flowers was asked if her relationship with Clinton was anything like Monica Lewinski's. She replied, "Close but no cigar." The FBI has coined a technical term for the stains found on Monica's dress: "Presidue." Did you know that Clinton had asked to change the Democratic seal from a donkey to a condom. It represents inflation, halts production and gives you a false sense of security while you are being screwed. Arkansas is very proud of Bill Clinton. All those women coming forward and not one was his sister! Finally, Hillary Clinton recently went to a fortune teller who darkly intoned, "Prepare to become widow. Your husband will soon suffer a violent death!" Hillary took a deep breath and asked, "Will I be acquitted?" Plus two others I thought better of and edited out... I do'd it. Tom
And Finally....The Gary Condit Visa comes with Criminal Prosecution Protection Free for life if you sign up in the next 30 minutes. This includes free defense lawyers, immunity and obstruction of justice due to evidence mysteriously being misplaced. This Visa fits all of your Criminal needs as well as your financial needs. Almost forgot..as part of the Criminal Prosecution Protection comes a Bart Simpson doll that only says "Nobody saw me do it. YOU CAN'T PROVE A THING!!!!"
George Bush went into an airport and there he saw a man with a long white robe a long beard and carrying two huge stone tablets. George asked the man, "Aren't you Moses?" The man just looked at him and said nothing. Again, George asked the man "Aren't you Moses? Again no reply. George reached over and tugged the man's robe a bit and in a louder voice again asked "Aren't you Moses?" The old man replied "I ain't talking to no more bushes. Last time I did I had to spend 40 years in the wilderness"
No, but I've got some ]Great Al Gore Quotes: * If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Al Gore * "Democrats understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child." -- Vice President Al Gore * "Welcome to President Clinton, Mrs. Clinton, and my fellow astronauts." --Vice President Al Gore * "Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe." --Vice President Al Gore, 8/11/94 * "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." -- Vice President Al Gore, 9/15/95 * "I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change." --Vice President Al Gore, 5/22/98 * "One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, & that one word is 'to be prepared'."-Vice President Al Gore, 12/6/93 * "Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things." --Vice President Al Gore, 11/30/96 * "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future." --Vice President Al Gore * "The future will be better tomorrow." --Vice President Al Gore * "We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."-Vice President Al Gore, 9/21/97 * "People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history." --Vice President Al Gore * "I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." --Vice President Al Gore to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93 * "We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe." --Vice President Al Gore * "Public speaking is very easy." --Vice President Al Gore to reporters, 10/95 * "I am not part of the problem. I am a Democrat."-Vice President Al Gore * "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls." --Vice President Al Gore * "When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame." --Al Gore * "Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it." --Vice President Al Gore, 5/20/9 * "We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Vice President Al Gore, 9/22/97 * "For NASA, space is still a high priority." --Vice President Al Gore, 9/5/93 * "Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children." --Vice President Al Gore, 9/18/95 * "The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Al Gore may or may not make." --Vice President Al Gore * "We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."-Vice President Al Gore * "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Vice President Al Gore * "[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."-Vice President Al Gore * "As many of you know, I was very instrumental in the founding of the Internet" --Al Gore to Katie Couric, 3/99
George Bush is on a sinking boat. Who gets saved? The nation. Special thanks to Nave. a parting word from Dan Quayle: "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
Newt Gingrich, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton all wash up on shore in the land of OZ. Having no other bright ideas, they decide to follow the Yellow Brick Road to the Emerald City. There, they will ask the Wizard for his help in getting home. When they arrive to meet the Wizard, he says, "Of course I will send you home, on one condition. I will grant you each one wish. If I find it to be a worthy wish, I will grant and it you will be on your way home". Newt Gingrich steps up and says "Wizard, I'd like to have greater compassion; a bigger heart." The Wizard replies "That's a fine wish. I will grant it and you may return home". George W Bush steps up and says "Wizard, I'd like to increase my intellect; you know, a bigger brain." The Wizard replies "That's a fine and noble wish. I will grant it and you may return home". Bill Clinton steps up, looks around the room slowly, looks the Wizard straight in the eye, and says, "Wizard... Where's Dorothy?" Ba Dum Bump "It's been swell, but the swelling's going down now." ---from the unredeemably awful movie Tank Girl
