Just a side note- My son has my maiden name, my daughter has my now married name, *I* hyphenated my name. My main goal here is to change his last name to my married name before questions are asked by him. In the state of NH abandonment is considered after 6 months, it's been 4 1/2 years. He pays c/s sporatically, he actually paid one year straight, then off and on again. I have ALWAYS tried to make him a part of his life. The thing that kills me, is the scum was in the army the first 7 months of my sons life, he got dishonarable discharge (he couldn't handle it). He took him all of 3 times, and he only did because I had to work and couldn't get a babysitter. The 3 times he took him, when I went to pick him up he wasn't home and the scums step mother and father were watching my son. I begged him to be a part of his life, I even offered joint custody at one point, I told him he was welcomed to see his son at ANY time, he didn't want to. His friends were more important. Like someone said what goes around comes around. I tried to do what was best for my son. My son has always called my now hubby "dada", I never taught himthe word, he picked it up all on his own, hubbys the only person my son knows as "dada". Now THAT's a MAN.
KHM, I really feel for you!!! The more stories I hear about people's custody/child support/family court problems, the more I am convinced that the family court system is run by people without children of their own!!!! My husband actually had to SUE his ex-girlfriend for the "right to pay child support". It took SEVERAL years to resolve (she REFUSED payment of any sort in the meantime) and when he finally "won", he is thousands of dollars "behind" in support!!! And, to his credit, he has been working SO hard to pay that off! Then, she turned around and filed for restricting his visitation because we are so far away and his son "would be confused to have a long distance father". She was able to get SUPERVISED visits! We ran out of $$ for a good lawyer by the time that came around. I better stop my rambling.....this is about you!! What really gets me is that it is the child that gets hurt. You did everything you could to help create a good relationship between your child and his father. Your child now has a REAL father in his life and you have to fight to make that "legal". I am NO more for "father's rights" than for "mother's rights". I have seen the pain on both sides. I am just for the child's rights!!!! Good Luck to you and your family!!!! G
Dancer, LOL!!! They are, but the problem with that is that everyone in town would know about it (getting their info from the country store and local garage, of course) before the deed was done!!! G
KMH, I can only offer suggestions and support emotionally for you. I sure can feel what you must be going thru right now. As another poster said, they were for neither father's or mother's rights and that I agree with. The child belongs with who can provide for them the best and not just money wise, cause money does not buy love. It sounds like you have tried to make every opportunity available to the houndi father and his family, but it appears that they choose not to be much of a part of your son's life. But I think that will change if you act upon your formal adoption, to which you will need support and shoulders to lean on. It sounds like you need a good attorney in family law/custody issues and who has great litigation skills as well. Keeping a log from this point on and adding anything you can from the past is important. As for the GAL, my experience was not real good, but the funny part was in court, when the GAL told me, she had to do this, but don't worry, this won't last for long. My ex fought hard for more than normal visitation and got it, but when it came time to take the opportunity to have the child, other important things came up. Having patience and determination and a calm temper helps, I say consistency is the key. I know the other comments about hit men was meant as a joke, but it really is no laughing matter. I also did not say that to chastise anyone either. Get yourself a good attorney and it may not be cheap, this is one area where you get what you pay for. Start a log, as you do about credit repair and be consistent, calm and patient. This may or may not help, just suggestions from my own experiences.
I filed in court this afternoon, for motion for alternate service (to have him served thru his parent's) and a motion for custody, as well as a temp. custody order. Cost $127. When I got back I called the superintendent of schools and the asst. sup talked to me, she said that YES he is allowed to get him, cause there is no proof he hasn't had custody for the past 5 years. She said "if he hasn't come around for 5 years *I* wouldn't worry about it". I NEARLY LOST MY MIND!!!!! I lost my temper and started asking her if she had kids, of course not!! I asked her for the legal departments number so I could file my "child endangerment" case. The funny thing is, my mother mentioned if he went to pick him up, the could call the wrong kid to the office and scumdaddy wouldn't know the difference. Thank you so much for everyone's concern, I greatly appreciate the friends I have online
