I was a few times as a kid and I think I turned out okay. I was recently shopping with my 3 & 5 yr olds and they usually stick right by me, behave a lot better than other kids (I'm constantly being told so) but man, they were just awful one day! I've never spanked them, I usually can straighten them out with just my tone of voice or to just say "1" (and hardly ever get to "2"), but I threatened to if they didn't stop it and what do you know, they didn't. (They were having way too much fun egging each other on). When I got home I was so torn! I didn't WANT to!! But I kept thinking "how will they learn to respect my word if I don't follow through with my discipline measures??" I built it up, they were scared witless, but all I used was one of my soft cushy slippers, one quick swat and they didn't even cry (or even know it was over with I think!) My husband thought it was hilarious. I was a mess!! They do know now that mom will do it though. Like when I was a kid, all we had to do was SEE Grandpa's black leather belt and we were "instant angels". I showed them their Dad's belt and said, next time.... We're back to our counting method and they've been really good in Walmart since. LOL! As for the toilet thing, yuk....I'm closing mine from now on.... Newstdt
I spank my children when they act up. it didnt make me a pyscho or anything, so I figure it is good for them. I knew that if I was bad, I was getting the belt with my dads' name on it tattoo'd to my behind. So, I thought twice before acting like a fool. Plus all of my relatives who took the 'time out' approach with their children are now sitting around whining all the time because their children are so bad. I've seen it firsthand. After a while they knew the worst they'd get is some treat taken away (but really they'd normally still get it anyway) or a time-out , which is stupid because time out usually consists of being sent to their room, where all the gameboys, nintendos, etc happily await them. Now, I'm sure there are the exceptions. Some people are strict enough for the non-spank approach to work I'd bet. I've never seen it work though. The ones who don't get spanked are the kids that make you uncomfortable in wal-mart or <insert your store of post office/public place here> who run wild while their parents ignore them. They are also those same kids who walk in the middle of the street when you are driving on it and act as if you should drive on the sidewalk to miss them. /rant off
"Quote: They are also those same kids who walk in the middle of the street when you are driving on it and act as if you should drive on the sidewalk to miss them." LOLOL! I've got one of those living downstairs from me - rides his skateboard right down the middle of our street and sets up some type of "ramp" thingy behind our parked cars! I knew I was getting old when I looked out the window, saw him doing that and thought "Get that damn kid away from my car!". LOL I'm conflicted on the whole spanking thing as well, Dani. I was spanked as a child (fully clothed with an open hand, not a belt on the bare bottom) and don't think I've suffered any grave psychological trauma because of it, but I do see where it may convey the message that might makes right and that it's OK for a bigger person to use physical force to control a smaller person. Like someone else said, it's important that you not spank your child as an outlet for your own anger. I guess it depends on the kid, and how the punishment is administered. I used to work with kids and always got a kick out of the parents who said things like "We don't believe in telling him No". These kids were usually the ones who would bash another kid over the head with a snow shovel and expect you to exclaim how cute they were. Not cool.
Hi! Yep, all major parts are taken care of, now it's just the little things that are driving me nuts, i.e. all the logistics involved with getting people from out of town to the right places at the right times, etc. Eloping is beginning to sound like a viable option at this point!
Spanking, when used as a tool, is most effective when it is least used. The key is making the kid believe, KNOW, that you will use it if necessary. That usually requires a demonstration or two up front. When my daughter was very little, twice I counted very deliberately to three (after warning her of what would happen if I got to three). The first time, she didn't believe me and when I got to three, she got it but good. Only one spank though. It wasn't about beating her. I went into my room afterward and cried. I hated it. But, the next time I started counting, by the time I got to two, it was all over. For years afterward, even across a busy room, if she was getting out of hand, I could catch her eye and hold up one finger and she knew the counting had started and that was the end of it. Without ever saying a word. The two extremes don't work. People who spank their kids constantly just build up an immunity in their kids. These kids will laugh at their parents as they are being clobbered and they'll laugh when their parents are hauled off to jail. They won't laugh when they end up in juvenile hall. At the same time, we've all seen the people who swear they would never spank their kid; "It's barbaric. I can talk to my child. Reason with my child". What nonsense. These kids know they can walk all over their parents, because "No" almost never actually means "No". The real danger is that these parents, who swear that they would never spank their child becasue it's barbaric, are the very same parents who, when they finally reach the end of their rope (the end they didn't even know they had), lose all control and beat the tar out of their kids. It's a tool. Not a weapon. Nothing more and nothing less.
That is pretty funny, but having been on the receiving end of several of those moves, plus my dad's own variant, where we had to go pick a switch off a tree, peel all the leaves off it, pull down our pants and get beaten with it, I can tell you that it doesn't make for a lot of warm fuzzy memories of your childhood or a good healthy relationship with your dad as adults.
*Ouch.* That reminds me of the bit by Richard Pryor about how now, as an adult, he can't walk by a sapling without wanting to yank it out of the ground and tear it apart, cursing it all the while. Me, I was spanked once--a hand-spank--and it was because I sort of caused my bookshelf to catch fire. So I guess I can't complain too much. wajaba
I am disappointed that I haven't heard about 2 other techniques. :-D If there is ever a problem in Walmart, I use to methods to quell my child's naughtiness: 1. mother's pinch 2. mother's ear grasp Both are applied gently to catch the attention of my child and if that doesn't do the trick, then pressure is applied. With the ear grasp, I never yank or pull; I just grasp it and then the pulling comes if they try to get away. My object is to keep them in position for 5 seconds so they can look on my face and know that I mean business and also that I won't let go of the ear if they try and leave. I do the ear grasp when I can't get a good pinching position. LOL As far as spanking, I do think that it is best when it is a last resort but your kids have to know that you will use it under no uncertain terms. I always have a step program so that they know once they pass a certain step, that's it. I believe that if kids are not taught boundaries at home that when they leave, the world will teach society's boundaries and when they are crossed, the punishment will be severe. Also, we are teaching resonsibility to our children; the responsibilty over one's actions. They can choose to do something or not and they know that there are consequences for both decisions, good or bad. I give little things to my kids so that they feel important and have an active role in the family. If they can make a mess, then they can clean it up. They can get their own cereal and milk out and pour it with my supervision. My son was 3 when he started that. Also he gets choices of his favorite snack within the healthy snacks that we have. He really enjoys it and we both have control over the choices of things. Kids are not little adults, IMHO. Yes, you would not spank your coworker because they are an equal with, we assume, the same level of cognitive development as you. Kids are not the same They do not have that development because they haven't been here that long. I think that kids come into this world as a blank canvas that we paint our morals, viewpoints, and life experiences onto. As they develop, they acquire the ability to discuss, change, and acquire their own viewpoints and that comes from experience. It is our job to teach our kids respect and I think that a lot of parents don't teach their kids that in the spirit of not spanking and allowing kids to guide themselves. Kids need our guidance desperately. Spanking and child abuse are not the same. I can't count how many times I have seen 3 and 4 year olds cursing out their parents in a store; telling them that they hate them etc. That child has not been taught boundaries and respect. I was spanked as a child and when I got it, boy did I deserve it. Moderation and having a plan is the key.
OMG!! This was hilarious!! I'm at work at I have tears rolling down my face laughing so hard. I think though that some of this stuff shouldn't be taken literally. Although I do remember talking back to my mom once. She pulled the technique called Leap Frog. She leaped across the kitchen floor and choked the $hit out of me. Needless to say I never spoke back again. I couldn't believe how fast she was.
For what it's worth, I just ran across this: "Never raise your hand to your children-it leaves your midsection unprotected." - Robert Orben
None of this for me when we have kids. I attended a private H.S. where this was done to me with a board. It really hurt. It was really humiliating to be a teen age girl getting paddled by a male principal.
I agree. If you haven't won the battle of wills by the time they're teenagers, it's too late anyway. I may have sounded like I'm some ham-handed kid puncher, but that's far from the truth. The real beauty in the approach I advocated earlier is that once you have established completely and unequivocally who's in charge, you almost never have to spank. The sure knowledge, in a child's mind, that you will if necessary, is enough. My daughter is eleven. It's been at least seven or eight years since she's been spanked. But, and this is key, she still knows I would if she ever forced the issue. BTW, she's a straight-A student in a very competitive Catholic School (there's a two year waiting list in some grades). She is very well adjusted; plays two sports, sings in the choir at our parish, and has a multitude of friends-- and not just in her own grade. Little kids flock to her. She's a GREAT kid. And, she's not the least bit fearful of her parents. She respects them though. Having been raised by a father who was a little too eager (actually a LOT too eager) with the punishments, I watched some of my older siblings raise their kids in the exact opposite style, in a sort of delayed teenage rebellion. I wouldn't even consider duplicating my Dad's methods, but, I will say this; we all turned out OK. No drug problems, drop outs, etc. Of the next generation in my family that is being raised with a self-service feel-good cafeteria-style discipline plan, all sorts of new problems are cropping up. Drugs, dropping out, etc. Others of my siblings (there's a bunch of us), who are are raising their kids mores strictly, haven't had these kinds of problems.
