The Dillards Thief - A real goody

This is GREAT!!! Sometimes, SOMETIMES, justice is served!!!!
THE DILLARDS THIEF-- in San Antonio, Texas

This is too funny! This could only be true, you can't make this stuff
up.

Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed
down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit---no
flies, no smell."What business could that poor kitty have had here?"
murmured Ellen. "Come on, Ellen, let's just go..." But Ellen
had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining, "I'll just put
my things in your bag, and then I'll take the tissue." She dumped her
purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle and
lower the former feline into her own Dillard's bag and cover
it.

They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their
goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left
Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while
they ate, Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell. They decided
to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over to Luby's
Cafeteria.

After they cleared the serving line and sat down at a window table, they
had a view of Kay's Chevy with the Dillard's bag still on the trunk.
BUT not for long.

As they ate, they noticed a black-haired woman in a red gingham shirt
stroll by their car, look quickly this way and that, and then hook the
Dillard's bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out of their
line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of
amazement. It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how
to respond. "Can you imagine?" finally sputtered Ellen. "The nerve of
that woman!" Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was
building as she thought about the grand surprise awaiting the
red-gingham thief.

Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she
noticed Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line.
Following her gaze, Kay recognized with a shock the black-haired woman
with the Dillard's bag, THE Dillard's bag, hanging from her arm,
brazenly pushing her tray toward the cashier. Helplessly they watched
the scene
unfold: After clearing the register, the woman settled at a table
across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair and began to eat.
After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually
lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure.

Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt
audience three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered
into the bag. Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping
noise. The noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank
to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest. The beverage cart
attendant quickly recognized a customer in trouble and sent the busboy
to call 911, while she administered the Heimlich maneuver. A crowd
quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who remained
riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the ambulance
arrived.

In a matter of minutes the curly-haired woman emerged from the
crowd, still gasping, strapped securely on a gurney. Two well-trained
EMS volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third
scooped up her belongings.

The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar, she disappeared behind
the ambulance doors, the Dillard's bag perched on her stomach.

 

Pardon me,but I thot dillards had everything to do with credit.
Miusta ben mistoken!